For years, I have cultivated an exquisite taste. One that takes sampling upon sampling of the most sweet concoctions known
to mankind. But this did not happen overnight...No, sister sour, it took many a trip down to Bill's Candy Store to sample
the newest sweetifited treat the mouth (this side of the Hudson) could endure. After years and years of tests - and let me
tell you, this ain't no easy job (on the teeth or the beltline) - I've found the candies that have stood the test of time. And
evaporated into the mouths of many.
NERDS-Now let me start off by telling you this wasn't one of my most favorites. These little nerds (does anyone REALLY
know what they're supposed to be?)
were made by the man we were frightened by as children-Willy Wonka. Although they are
a bizarre-looking bunch, these pre-sour patch kids sure pack a pow into your taste buds. Plus still come in Red Apple
Watermelon and Gooberlicious Grape.
Candy Necklaces-Okay, you roller derby queens and kings,I know you were out there
shaking your bootie skates and all around the bends, popping your gum and sporting a glamourous candy necklace. Every feather
haired Farrah-to-be had these little pellets drawn on a stretchy string around their necks (next to the FOXY gold necklace-of
course!). Now, if you were resourceful like some of us rollers, you knew to wear it as a cool bracelet or a funky headband.
In case you don't know why you wore it on your head, then let me tell you Jimi Hendrix wasn't the only one who knew that
sweating would enhance the experience.
RING POP-How could you wear your candy necklace without pairing it with
your favorite flavored Ring Pop?!?!? These rings were bigger than any of those Hollywood Vamps jewels and lasted longer...I
can assure you! These were the after lunch sugar highs you could easily fake eating in class. You could pretend to suck on
your fingers and the teachers wouldn't know the difference. The flavors came in Grape, Strawberry, Cherry and, my favorite,
ZOTZ-I think these things were illegal in some countries. It was like gun powder in a candy shell. How
could anyone who'd eaten these suckers survive? Well, from one survivor to the next, I can say that I'm still here and only
have 15 cavities. Although these were a powerful candy, I still loved the sour center. After 15 minutes of watering down the
lollipop-type disc, BANG- the sour powder took over your mouth. Don't stand near any flames or gas with this one.
PEZ-Okay, okay, so this is the Oldest living candy (and I mean shelf life as well as age)-I still have to talk about
one of the coolest inventions in the pop culture world. I know many that have collections of these characters and would pay
money-good money-to make an addition to their house just to shelve them all! If I listed all of the cartoon characters that
have spat out the latest Pez flavor my list would be too long, but some of my favorites are: Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, a Skull
and Batman, just to name a few.
Lik.Maid FUN DIP-Can you say "Kool Aid" with a stick? This was pure
sugar on pure sugar. Wow-what a sugar high you could get with this one! No doubt about it- this was one of the most fun candies
to eat. You not only got your choice in flavors (cherry, grape and lime) but you got to eat the stick as well...How cool is that?
Better yet, no evidence left behind. I am convinced, however, that if you mixed any of these powders with water, you would get
Kool Aid or any of those turbo-boosted drinks. Another cool invention of this treat was that if you didn't like one of the
flavors, you could tear off a pouch and pass it on-as long as you ripped on the dotted line!
POP ROCKS-I have saved
my favorite '80s candy until the very end. My love for this candy is endless-I even named part of my radio show in honor of
it-Pop Rocks, Kabangers and Clogs. These represented the ideology of the '80s: live strong, sizzle fast. Not only were they
the Rice Krispies' evil twin, they fueled the biggest lie of the '70s/'80s...that Mikey from Life Cereal died due to drinking
Pepsi and eating Pop Rocks at the same time. If you ever had any doubt, I now ask you; what other candy could bring on such mass
hysteria? Any candy that states "Real Popping Action" and "Entertainment for your Whole Mouth" must mean business!